Intereasting they haven't deleted any of my shit apps (created under a dummy account) that I made for a quick buck.
These apps had adds popping up about every 30 seconds, but I think their switched off now. I made most of them in a couple of afternoons, in some cases submitting them to google took almost the same amount of time making them. Im really not very proud of them, though I think mazevania is particularly bad, almost notably so.
Some of the descriptions are rather funny I think, I just laughed out loud reading some of them again. I'd love to re-write some of them (the descriptions), to make them even more cynical, but ahhh no point really. I can literally taste the cynicism.
linkIm going to copy the descriptions here, for posterity, because google will delete them.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Neil the neck
Neil is a green neck from the planet mars, he likes to eat wall nuts. The great tyrant Satanicus has miniaturized the power of the golem tooth and sent it into 10 quasidimentional pieces, encapsulated in some diamond sapphire ruby like things. Neil the green neck from mars covets the Rubies, but for the wrong reasons: He wants to eat them or sell them for black market pony meat. It's up to you, to guide Neil, through the city of Jerusalem and the 9th dimension in order for him to get his crab like appendages on these shiny rocks that have the power to give or take life at a whim.
notice: no whippets where harmed in the making of this game.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cover art
Sausage man: Clams of doom
Sausage man has recently escaped from sombrero Sam's barbecue of death, but now he finds the world in the grips of a new terror menace, Foul smelling clams of doom. It's up to you, Sausage man, to crush the clams with your happy feet of fury, only then can the land of sausage be free of the evil Foul smelling menace known as the clams of doom. The clams came from space, they might seem harmless but beware Sausage man!! the Smells emitted by these gastropods will gradually turn everything in sausage land EVIL, that's because the clams smell of PURE EVIL!!!!!!! GO NOW ON YOUR MISSION SAUSAGE MAN. MAY THE POWER BE WITH YE!!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hangry foot
Meet Hangry Foot, master of several languages and international foot of mystery. One day Hangry Foot receives an alien transmission sent though his top secret satellite toenail. In the Transmission Hangry Foot discovers that the true nature of his power comes from his fluids, which cannot be replenished unless Hangry Foot Willingly and legally becomes married to a human wife. Once this has occurred a number of celestial planets will align causing an osmosis from the grass to seep into Hangry Foots Veins, thus replenishing his depleted life force. As the Player it's now up to you to help Hangry Foot find a suitable human wife, but in order to accomplish this feat he will have to traverse some dangerous alien terrain, avoiding hazards such as fireballs, lava, evil plants and Stalin lizards. Take command and take charge of Hangry Foot today!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cover art
Monkey wants a friend
A Fantastical journey begins! SHAZAM! Boris the monkey finds himself alone and the darkness starts to close in on his soul. Despite the colorful tropical wonderland which Boris inhabits, a deep dark cloud of doom has started to settle upon his soul. Fearing an impending existential crisis, Boris sets out on a desperate an insane Journey to find himself companionship against all odds in the land of happy-happy-ding-dong-bing-bong-blahdy-phaady-foo. Go Boris! Beware the killer fish and antmen and may you find the friend you so desperately seek. Goodluck, you sad sad little monkey.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Smack My Bug Up
Your girlfriend is sleeping peacefully in a grassy meadow, unaware of the terror that lurks just beyond the nearest hill.
Due to some freak of nature, swarms of hungry insects are on the rampage, looking for food in the form of girls. It's up to you to squash, splatter and smash these tiny, critchety beasties, before it's too late!! Can you protect the love of your life from being devoured alive? We hope so. Download Smack My Bug Up, right now, for fast and addictive splater-tastic action that will leave you feeling hungry, so hungry that you might just lay an egg, an egg of pure tardation, a tard egg that you will love and nurture until it grows and becomes a princess.
Don't get aids.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cover art
Shapes Keep you Safe
Hexagons are attempting to teleport the poor triangles into a very cold and dark zone known as Bloogoonier, which is fucked. You cannot stand for this, and thus, it's up to you, the Circlemeister from alpha-74 to guide the triangles towards the square-zone, a universally recognized place of wonderment and a place known for it's fun and fantastical parties. Become the Circlemeister and take up this sacred task!! DO NOT HESITATE DO NOT FALTER!!
CRAM THOSE HEXAGONS INTO THE SAFE ZONE NOW YOU SQUIRREL MUNCHER!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tanks alot for da Tanks
Hordes of Tanks are invading your mind but are you packed full of the right kind off stuff to send these tanks back from whence they came, unto the fiery pits of hell? Will damnation beset you? Can you handle your phone in the right sort of a way to make the bad things stop and the good things happen? Damn straight you can! download this game today and treat yourself to a luxury in gaming excellence comparable to a fine Swiss dark chocolate. This game is literally better than sex and better than heroin, COMBINED.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cover art
Thief Master
You have outsmarted the gem police (for now) but now you must outrun the snakes, squids, ghosts and other evil creatures that are all hungry for your misfortune. Those sick fucks! Will these monsters of terror catch the star of this game, the Thief Master? Can you handle the action or will you encounter death or worse? This furiously fast app will have you hooked for days. Can you grab the gems in the city whilst being accosted by punks? probably not. Don't miss out on the classic arcade action.
Download Thief Master Now! SUCK IT DOWN!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cover art
Total Recoil
Are you ready for the ultimate challenge in mobile gaming? Do you have nerves of steel and reflexes to match?
This sweet game of ultra concentrated congealed awesome will have your face glued to the tiny monitor of your phone, but while playing all external reality will literally cease to exist.
In the game, terror droids of satanic robo-terror want nothing more than to rip you from head to sternum with their electrically powered claws. Only your best friend, and lover, your zap gun of electro-shock value, can save you from such a fate, and thus you must set off on a mission to save the universe and save the kingdom and also protect the environment from these awful and I'll mannered robots. Did I also mention they smell really bad? If that's not a good motivation then I don't know what is. Can you do it? Probably, but you'll only know for certain after you download this app, a decision which you certainly cannot resist after having read this description.
Download Total Recoil now!!
Word up homes!!!!
and peace be with you!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cover art
The Amazing Frogman
Funkadelic Freaks are attacking your sweet frog-man with Ninja stars, spears, axes and fire balls. Wack that junk out of the way with your awkwardly elongated neck and reach out to taste the sweet sweet nectar of space fruits, but beware of eating poisonous mushrooms, they may just trip you out.
Features:
Awesome addictive action fun-fer-shizzle!!!
Lots of powerups!
Uses patented SWAG technology!
Teaches moral values to sick kids with cancer/down syndrome.
Teaches you to RESPECT!
Awesome soundtrack that will have you headbanging fer certain.
You can transform into a dragon!! WOW!
Suck it down, the frogman has commeth!!
Download NOW!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cover art
Running with Sharp Scissors
Blood, death dismemberment, and balloons?
Sound appealing? It's all in the new action packed smash hit: Running with Sharp Scissors
In each stage your goal is to pop 9, balloons, but they could very easily become 99 red balloons. Our hero has drunk tons of guarana and now can't stop running forward, and to make matters worse they have a shiny pair of
scissors and are possessed by an insane urge to pop all the balloons.
Can you help them win a gold medal for their bravery?
Features:
Realistic Rag-doll physics
Awesome sound effects
Decapitation
Balloons
Download Running with Sharp Scissors right now.
It's waaaay more fun than playing with a real pair of scissors (wink wink)
(unless of course you know the right place to stick them. Right up your arse)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cover art
Mazevania
Do you like Mazes? I sure do. I once had a book about mazes which kept me occupied and mentally stimulated for many an hour whilst keeping the general public safe. Those were happy days. Now with this creative and gnarly new app you too can be occupied and mentally stimulated for many hours with some extraordinarily complex mazes to keep you occupied and baffled beyond your comprehension.
-Fun on public transport
-Whimsical atmosphere
-Mentally stimulating, will slow the onset of dementia
-Original orchestral score
-Free to play
What are you waiting for? Check out Mazevania! TODAY!
WoW! KaPing!!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cover art
Super Orange Man
Sweet MAZE ACTION that will fully activate your adrenal glands!!! No need for extra caffeine, this is the hit you've been waiting for.
- over 10 mind blowing mazes - pow pow!
- one eyed ghost multi-colour shazam!
- original synth shizzle soundz!
- free to play
- endless orange addiction
- solo attack; no need for friends
- one arm action so you'll always be free to hold your coffee
- works in the rain as long as you have an umbrella
what are you waiting for ??!!!! play it till your funeral
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cover art
Kitty Magic
Kitty magic is a fantastical journey as seen through the eyes of a special green cat. Many obstacles and puzzles stand between you and the ultimate victory over the entire universe. Question is: Are you a bad enough kitty to take on the universe?
Features: Extensive Awsomeness!!!
:Sweet, smooth nail biting game-play
Stunning and glorious hand painted graphics.
Deep metaphysical spiritual overarching story.
Touch of excellence.
This game isn’t one to miss!!
Highly recommended
5 out of 5 stars, easily.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------