Yu Yu Yami (夕・夕・闇）'s Magic Poop/Hippie face combo!

[nl]

you turnin this forum in som foreign 973-eht-namuh-973?

[beanstalk]

Jeanne Frances Frémiot de Chantal was born of parents of the highest rank, at Dijon in Burgundy, on the 23rd day of January, in the year 1575. From her earliest childhood she gave no dark promise of a life of eminent holiness. It is said that when she was scarcely fifteen years of age she confuted with precocious acuteness a Presbyterian nobleman, and when he gave her a little present she put it in the fire, saying “That is how heretics will burn in hell for not believing Christ when He speaketh.”

[beanstalk]

Abba Lot went to see Abba Joseph and said to him, “Abba as far as I can I say my little office, I fast a little, I pray and meditate, I live in peace and as far as I can, I purify my thoughts. What else can I do?” then the old man stood up and stretched his hands towards heaven. His fingers became like ten lamps of fire and he said to him, “If you will, you can become all flame.”

[beanstalk]

The Epistle of Ignatius to the Romans

Greeting

Ignatius, who is also called Theophorus, to the Church which has obtained mercy, through the majesty of the Most High Father, and Jesus Christ, His only-begotten Son; the Church which is beloved and enlightened by the will of Him that wills all things which are according to the love of Jesus Christ our God, which also presides in the place of the region of the Romans, worthy of God, worthy of honour, worthy of the highest happiness, worthy of praise, worthy of obtaining her every desire, worthy of being deemed holy, and which presides over love, is named from Christ, and from the Father, which I also salute in the name of Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father: to those who are united, both according to the flesh and spirit, to every one of His commandments; who are filled inseparably with the grace of God, and are purified from every strange taint, abundance of happiness unblameably, in Jesus Christ our God.

Chapter 1. As a prisoner, I hope to see you

Through prayer to God I have obtained the privilege of seeing your most worthy faces, and have even been granted more than I requested; for I hope as a prisoner in Christ Jesus to salute you, if indeed it be the will of God that I be thought worthy of attaining unto the end. For the beginning has been well ordered, if I may obtain grace to cling to my lot without hindrance unto the end. For I am afraid of your love, lest it should do me an injury. For it is easy for you to accomplish what you please; but it is difficult for me to attain to God, if you spare me.

Chapter 2. Do not save me from martyrdom

For it is not my desire to act towards you as a man-pleaser, but as pleasing God, even as also you please Him. For neither shall I ever have such [another] opportunity of attaining to God; nor will you, if you shall now be silent, ever be entitled to the honour of a better work. For if you are silent concerning me, I shall become God's; but if you show your love to my flesh, I shall again have to run my race. Pray, then, do not seek to confer any greater favour upon me than that I be sacrificed to God while the altar is still prepared; that, being gathered together in love, you may sing praise to the Father, through Christ Jesus, that God has deemed me, the bishop of Syria, worthy to be sent for from the east unto the west. It is good to set from the world unto God, that I may rise again to Him.

Chapter 3. Pray rather that I may attain to martyrdom

You have never envied any one; you have taught others. Now I desire that those things may be confirmed [by your conduct], which in your instructions you enjoin [on others]. Only request in my behalf both inward and outward strength, that I may not only speak, but [truly] will; and that I may not merely be called a Christian, but really be found to be one. For if I be truly found [a], I may also be called one, and be then deemed faithful, when I shall no longer appear to the world. Nothing visible is eternal. For the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. For our God, Jesus Christ, now that He is with the Father, is all the more revealed [in His glory]. Christianity is not a thing of silence only, but also of [manifest] greatness.

Chapter 4. Allow me to fall a prey to the wild beasts

I write to the Churches, and impress on them all, that I shall willingly die for God, unless you hinder me. I beseech of you not to show an unseasonable good-will towards me. Allow me to become food for the wild beasts, through whose instrumentality it will be granted me to attain to God. I am the wheat of God, and let me be ground by the teeth of the wild beasts, that I may be found the pure bread of Christ. Rather entice the wild beasts, that they may become my tomb, and may leave nothing of my body; so that when I have fallen asleep [in death], I may be no trouble to any one. Then shall I truly be a disciple of Christ, when the world shall not see so much as my body. Entreat Christ for me, that by these instruments I may be found a sacrifice [to God]. I do not, as Peter and Paul, issue commandments unto you. They were apostles; I am but a condemned man: they were free, while I am, even until now, a servant. But when I suffer, I shall be the freed-man of Jesus, and shall rise again emancipated in Him. And now, being a prisoner, I learn not to desire anything worldly or vain.

Chapter 5. I desire to die

From Syria even unto Rome I fight with beasts, both by land and sea, both by night and day, being bound to ten leopards, I mean a band of soldiers, who, even when they receive benefits, show themselves all the worse. But I am the more instructed by their injuries [to act as a disciple of Christ]; yet am I not thereby justified. 1 Corinthians 4:4 May I enjoy the wild beasts that are prepared for me; and I pray they may be found eager to rush upon me, which also I will entice to devour me speedily, and not deal with me as with some, whom, out of fear, they have not touched. But if they be unwilling to assail me, I will compel them to do so. Pardon me [in this]: I know what is for my benefit. Now I begin to be a disciple. And let no one, of things visible or invisible, envy me that I should attain to Jesus Christ. Let fire and the cross; let the crowds of wild beasts; let tearings, breakings, and dislocations of bones; let cutting off of members; let shatterings of the whole body; and let all the dreadful torments of the devil come upon me: only let me attain to Jesus Christ.

Chapter 6. By death I shall attain true life

All the pleasures of the world, and all the kingdoms of this earth, shall profit me nothing. It is better for me to die in behalf of Jesus Christ, than to reign over all the ends of the earth. For what shall a man be profited, if he gain the whole world, but lose his own soul? Him I seek, who died for us: Him I desire, who rose again for our sake. This is the gain which is laid up for me. Pardon me, brethren: do not hinder me from living, do not wish to keep me in a state of death; and while I desire to belong to God, do not give me over to the world. Allow me to obtain pure light: when I have gone there, I shall indeed be a man of God. Permit me to be an imitator of the passion of my God. If any one has Him within himself, let him consider what I desire, and let him have sympathy with me, as knowing how I am straitened.

Chapter 7. Reason of desiring to die

The prince of this world would fain carry me away, and corrupt my disposition towards God. Let none of you, therefore, who are [in Rome] help him; rather be on my side, that is, on the side of God. Do not speak of Jesus Christ, and yet set your desires on the world. Let not envy find a dwelling-place among you; nor even should I, when present with you, exhort you to it, be persuaded to listen to me, but rather give credit to those things which I now write to you. For though I am alive while I write to you, yet I am eager to die. My love has been crucified, and there is no fire in me desiring to be fed; but there is within me a water that lives and speaks, saying to me inwardly, Come to the Father. I have no delight in corruptible food, nor in the pleasures of this life. I desire the bread of God, the heavenly bread, the bread of life, which is the flesh of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who became afterwards of the seed of David and Abraham; and I desire the drink of God, namely His blood, which is incorruptible love and eternal life.

Chapter 8. Be favourable to me

I no longer wish to live after the manner of men, and my desire shall be fulfilled if you consent. Be willing, then, that you also may have your desires fulfilled. I entreat you in this brief letter; give credit to me. Jesus Christ will reveal these things to you, [so that you shall know] that I speak truly. He is the mouth altogether free from falsehood, by which the Father has truly spoken. Pray for me, that I may attain [the object of my desire]. I have not written to you according to the flesh, but according to the will of God. If I shall suffer, you have wished [well] to me; but if I am rejected, you have hated me.

Chapter 9. Pray for the church in Syria

Remember in your prayers the Church in Syria, which now has God for its shepherd, instead of me. Jesus Christ alone will oversee it, and your love [will also regard it]. But as for me, I am ashamed to be counted one of them; for indeed I am not worthy, as being the very last of them, and one born out of due time. 1 Corinthians 15:8-9 But I have obtained mercy to be somebody, if I shall attain to God. My spirit salutes you, and the love of the Churches that have received me in the name of Jesus Christ, and not as a mere passer-by. For even those Churches which were not near to me in the way, I mean according to the flesh, have gone before me, city by city, [to meet me.]

Chapter 10. Conclusion

Now I write these things to you from Smyrna by the Ephesians, who are deservedly most happy. There is also with me, along with many others, Crocus, one dearly beloved by me. As to those who have gone before me from Syria to Rome for the glory of God, I believe that you are acquainted with them; to whom, [then,] make known that I am at hand. For they are all worthy, both of God and of you; and it is becoming that you should refresh them in all things. I have written these things unto you, on the day before the ninth of the Kalends of September (that is, on the twenty-third day of August). Fare well to the end, in the patience of Jesus Christ. Amen.

[beanstalk]

In Praise Of Limestone
If it form the one landscape that we, the inconstant ones,
Are consistently homesick for, this is chiefly
Because it dissolves in water. Mark these rounded slopes
With their surface fragrance of thyme and, beneath,
A secret system of caves and conduits; hear the springs
That spurt out everywhere with a chuckle,
Each filling a private pool for its fish and carving
Its own little ravine whose cliffs entertain
The butterfly and the lizard; examine this region
Of short distances and definite places:
What could be more like Mother or a fitter background
For her son, the flirtatious male who lounges
Against a rock in the sunlight, never doubting
That for all his faults he is loved; whose works are but
Extensions of his power to charm? From weathered outcrop
To hill-top temple, from appearing waters to
Conspicuous fountains, from a wild to a formal vineyard,
Are ingenious but short steps that a child's wish
To receive more attention than his brothers, whether
By pleasing or teasing, can easily take.

Watch, then, the band of rivals as they climb up and down
Their steep stone gennels in twos and threes, at times
Arm in arm, but never, thank God, in step; or engaged
On the shady side of a square at midday in
Voluble discourse, knowing each other too well to think
There are any important secrets, unable
To conceive a god whose temper-tantrums are moral
And not to be pacified by a clever line
Or a good lay: for accustomed to a stone that responds,
They have never had to veil their faces in awe
Of a crater whose blazing fury could not be fixed;
Adjusted to the local needs of valleys
Where everything can be touched or reached by walking,
Their eyes have never looked into infinite space
Through the lattice-work of a nomad's comb; born lucky,
Their legs have never encountered the fungi
And insects of the jungle, the monstrous forms and lives
With which we have nothing, we like to hope, in common.
So, when one of them goes to the bad, the way his mind works
Remains incomprehensible: to become a pimp
Or deal in fake jewellery or ruin a fine tenor voice
For effects that bring down the house, could happen to all
But the best and the worst of us...
That is why, I suppose,
The best and worst never stayed here long but sought
Immoderate soils where the beauty was not so external,
The light less public and the meaning of life
Something more than a mad camp. `Come!' cried the granite wastes,
`How evasive is your humour, how accidental
Your kindest kiss, how permanent is death.' (Saints-to-be
Slipped away sighing.) `Come!' purred the clays and gravels,
`On our plains there is room for armies to drill; rivers
Wait to be tamed and slaves to construct you a tomb
In the grand manner: soft as the earth is mankind and both
Need to be altered.' (Intendant Caesars rose and
Left, slamming the door.) But the really reckless were fetched
By an older colder voice, the oceanic whisper:
`I am the solitude that asks and promises nothing;
That is how I shall set you free. There is no love;
There are only the various envies, all of them sad.'

They were right, my dear, all those voices were right
And still are; this land is not the sweet home that it looks,
Nor its peace the historical calm of a site
Where something was settled once and for all: A back ward
And dilapidated province, connected
To the big busy world by a tunnel, with a certain
Seedy appeal, is that all it is now? Not quite:
It has a worldy duty which in spite of itself
It does not neglect, but calls into question
All the Great Powers assume; it disturbs our rights. The poet,
Admired for his earnest habit of calling
The sun the sun, his mind Puzzle, is made uneasy
By these marble statues which so obviously doubt
His antimythological myth; and these gamins,
Pursuing the scientist down the tiled colonnade
With such lively offers, rebuke his concern for Nature's
Remotest aspects: I, too, am reproached, for what
And how much you know. Not to lose time, not to get caught,
Not to be left behind, not, please! to resemble
The beasts who repeat themselves, or a thing like water
Or stone whose conduct can be predicted, these
Are our common prayer, whose greatest comfort is music
Which can be made anywhere, is invisible,
And does not smell. In so far as we have to look forward
To death as a fact, no doubt we are right: But if
Sins can be forgiven, if bodies rise from the dead,
These modifications of matter into
Innocent athletes and gesticulating fountains,
Made solely for pleasure, make a further point:
The blessed will not care what angle they are regarded from,
Having nothing to hide. Dear, I know nothing of
Either, but when I try to imagine a faultless love
Or the life to come, what I hear is the murmur
Of underground streams, what I see is a limestone landscape.

[beanstalk]

Spring and Fall (to a young child)

Márgarét, áre you gríeving
Over Goldengrove unleaving?
Leáves like the things of man, you
With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?
Ah! ás the heart grows older
It will come to such sights colder
By and by, nor spare a sigh
Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;
And yet you wíll weep and know why.
Now no matter, child, the name:
Sórrow’s spríngs áre the same.
Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed
What heart heard of, ghost guessed:
It ís the blight man was born for,
It is Margaret you mourn for.

[beanstalk]

XXV

Malheureux l’an, le mois, le jour, l’heure, et le poinct,
Et malheureuse soit la flatteuse esperance,
Quand pour venir ici j’abandonnay la France :
La France, et mon Anjou dont le desir me poingt.

Vraiment d’un bon oyseau guidé je ne fus point,
Et mon cœur me donnoit assez signifiance,
Que le ciel estoit plein de mauvaise influence,
Et que Mars estoit lors à Saturne conjoint.

Cent fois le bon advis lors m’en voulut distraire,
Mais toujours le destin me tiroit au contraire :
Et si mon desir n’eust aveuglé ma raison,

N’estoit-ce pas assez pour rompre mon voyage,
Quand sur le seuil de l’huis, d’un sinistre presage,
Je me blessay le pied sortant de ma maison ?

[beanstalk]

TD FAQ 1.0.7b2
By Kevin Krejci & Ross A. Reyman
Compiled by Ross A. Reyman
December 1995

www.poprocket.com

Note: This FAQ is designed to prompt you to find the answers, not flat
out TELL you the answers. To get more specific answers to puzzles, talk
to other gamers, EMail us directly and try to pry some answers from us,
or go get the Strategy Guide (available soon...) !!!

Contents:

I. Introduction
- What is the object of Total Distortion?
- How long does Total Distortion take to play?
- What are those challenge setting slider knobs on the Control Panel
all
about?
- How do you earn fame points?
II. General Tips
- What is the best advice for this game?
- How do I build up my Life Force?
- How can I boost my Mental Energy outside of the Tower?
III. Personal Media Tower
- How many different video treasures are there for making music videos?
- How many books are there and what are they for?
- How many different radio shows are there?
- What criteria do Stevie Groovie, Yuji Dude and Hans Kranger use to
judge
your videos?
IV. Halls of Distortion
- How do I kill the Guitar Warrior?
- Is it possible to placate a Guitar Warrior by selling or giving him
anything??
VI. Sky Maze
- I've reached a door but I can't open it!
- Where can I find Card X?
VII. Vid Halls
- How do I get past the monitors without getting hurt?
- How do you access the Spiked Monitor?
- How do I swear allegiance to the Metal Lord?
- Do I need specific footage for the Spiked Monitor?
- What do I do with the blank TV after the VidHall monitors?
VIII. Cable Maze
- WHOA! What's this place all about?
IX. Hell's Garage
- What's the deal with this place?
- Why can't I move/go anywhere in Hell's Garage?
- What do I use the gasoline for?
X. LA Stage
- How do you sneak footage out of L.A. Stage?
XI. Sonic Cemetery
- Why can't I move/go anywhere in Sonic Cemetary?
XII. Misc.
- Easter Eggs? Did somebody say "easter eggs?"

-

I. Introduction

- What is the object of Total Distortion?

As an adventurous music video producer in search of whacked-out original
material for your videos, you blow millions of dollars on a Personal
Media
Tower and teleport one-way to the Distortion Dimension. You risk your
life
conquering the dimension to gather valuable media treasures that
international TV producers back on earth are paying big bucks for. The
object of the game is your choice - wealth, fame, or both wealth and
fame.

- How long does Total Distortion take to play?

We've found that it takes the average player around two weeks or about
50
hours of game play to win their first round of TD on the Normal settings
(Wealth and Fame as goal, at difficulty and danger settings of 3). If
you
increase the challenge settings, or simply choose to enjoy the many
"diversions", one could have fun wallowing endlessly.

- What are those challenge setting slider knobs on the Control Panel
all
about?

The levels you choose will impact your initial levels of physical
energy,
mental energy, life force, cash, food, and other vital equipment. For
instance, on the easiest setting you will be provided with a cheap
Twanger
guitar. On the more difficult settings you'll have to buy your own
guitar.
The challenge settings will also impact your Guitar Warrior battles. On
easier settings, you'll see colors, while the tougher settings force you
to
rely on your musical ears. Mr. Red will let you know his thoughts as you
try
out the different settings, but many choose to start easy, but go back
and
play their future rounds on the more challenging settings. Many other
things
are also affected, but you'll have to find those out on your own.....

- How do you earn fame points?

Fame points are earned when you successfully battle guitar warriors,
solve
puzzling puzzles, and discover new areas in the dangerous outer depths
of
the Distortion Dimension.


II. General Tips

- What is the best advice for this game?

Save, save, save!!! Save your game often, and keep good track of your
inventory!

- How do I build up my Life Force?

Ah, the question that has puzzled many. There are many rumours about
this mystery that is wrapped in an enigma. Some say certain foods and
drinks may help, others report that areas of the Distortion Dimension
may have the ability to replenish Life Force and yet others say that
there is no way to build up Life Force. The only proven way of building
up your Life Force is to get plenty of rest and stay healthy. Over time
your LF will increase...

- How can I boost my Mental Energy outside of the Tower?

Taking canteens full of mega-rich caffeine drinks may help. What's your
favorite coffee drink? Observe all signs and posters.


III. Personal Media Tower

- How many different video treasures are there for making music videos?

There are well over 1,500 clips total. A few are in your TDVS Sequencer
(brought with you from Earth), but it is highly recommended that you use
your video camera out in the Distortion Dimension to capture clips. With
so many clips to use as backgrounds, middle grounds, and foregrounds,
and so many scenes to put together, you
could potentially make billions and billions of distinctly unique
videos.

- How many books are there and what are they for?

There are nearly 50 books. Many of the books were stocked with the
Personal
Media Tower when you bought it, such as the books about all the
equipment
found on board. Others are puzzles that provide you with clues about the
Distortion Dimension. Some books are arcade type games that help you
experience emotional catharsis, or stress relief after dealing with
finicky
TV producers. Other books have magic powers that you must unlock. In
general, they are all there to simply enlighten and entertain you, and
give
you a break from the daily grind.

- How many different radio shows are there?

Who knows, it depends on the reception you get through your Radio
Aquarium,
but most can sit through about 30 different programs before hearing any
reruns.

- What criteria do Stevie Groovie, Yuji Dude and Hans Kranger use to
judge
your videos?

There are a number of factors that influence the video producer's
evaluation
of videos. A video needs to be a certain length to even be in the
running.
The video producer's personal preferences have significant impact on
their
decision to accept or reject your videos. Reading their biographies will
give you insight in this area. Also, their mood will influence how
successful you are in selling your videos. Insulting the producers or
overdoing the flattery could backfire on you. Over time, the producers
will
get familiar with the type of work you produce. A history of presenting
them
with successful videos will positively influence their decisions in the
future.


IV. Halls of Distortion

- How do I kill the Guitar Warrior?

Use your guitar to match the chords that the Guitar Warrior strikes at
you. Depending on the strength of your guitar, you will either diffuse
his chord, over-power his chord or suffer deconstruction!

- Is it possible to placate a Guitar Warrior by selling or giving him
anything?

Some guy named Stuart said that Guitar Warriors love Tupperware... I
don't think this is true.


VI. Sky Maze

- I've reached a door but I can't open it!

Capturing video of this area may reveal how to open doors...

- Where can I find Card X?

The location of Card X has been pin-pointed to the general vicinity of
the VidHall... Check ALL areas! Make a hard target search of every
doghouse, out-house and fixture in the area!

VII. Vid Halls

- How do I get past the monitors without getting hurt?

There is a control panel that may help assist you in surviving the jaunt
through the monitors area.

- How do you access the Spiked Monitor?

You must use your resources to get to the panel. Check your inventory
and think of what may help you. Beware of the flames! Be careful not
to get tourched!

- How do I swear allegiance to the Metal Lord?

Put your left hand over your heart and use your mental energy to pray to
the Metal Lord. No, not really!!! Don't worry, you'll get your
chance...

- Do I need specific footage for the Spiked Monitor?

Think of VidChips as keys. They "program" the monitors to affect
whoever walks through. Footage you put on VidChips may affect what
happens when you walk through.

- What do I do with the blank TV after the VidHall monitors?

Couch potatoes will know EXACTLY what to do at this juncture.


VIII. Cable Maze

- WHOA! What's this place all about?

It's a maze. Kinda mysterious, huh?

IX. Hell's Garage

- What's the deal with this place?

This is where the Devil does all his dirty work. There may be some cool
things in there!

- Why can't I move/go anywhere in Hell's Garage?

You don't really want to try to go near that place do you? What if
Satan comes out and takes your soul?!? Perhaps if you really want to
see what's in there, you may want to try to open the garage door.

- What do I use the gasoline for?

Fuel?


X. LA Stage

- How do you sneak footage out of L.A. Stage?

Hmm. If you only had a back-stage pass or a way to access L.A. Stage
material...


XI. Sonic Cemetery

- Why can't I move/go anywhere in Sonic Cemetary?

You don't really want to try to go near that place do you? What if
Edgar Death comes out and takes your soul?!? Perhaps if you really want
to see what's here, you may want to try to get his attention.


XII. Misc.

- Easter Eggs? Did somebody say "easter eggs?"

Isn't the point of easter eggs to look and discover them yourself?
Explore this website and you will find easter eggs to the game...

[beanstalk]

RÖMISCHE ELEGIE V

Froh empfind ich mich nun auf klassischem Boden begeistert,
Vor- und Mitwelt spricht lauter und reizender mir.
Hier befolg ich den Rat, durchblättre die Werke der Alten
Mit geschäftiger Hand, täglich mit neuem Genuß.
Aber die Nächte hindurch hält Amor mich anders beschäftigt;
Werd ich auch halb nur gelehrt, bin ich doch doppelt beglückt.
Und belehr ich mich nicht, indem ich des lieblichen Busens
Formen spähe, die Hand leite die Hüften hinab?
Dann versteh ich den Marmor erst recht: ich denk und vergleiche,
Sehe mit fühlendem Aug, fühle mit sehender Hand.
Raubt die Liebste denn gleich mir einige Stunden des Tages,
Gibt sie Stunden der Nacht mir zur Entschädigung hin.
Wird doch nicht immer geküßt, es wird vernünftig gesprochen,
Überfällt sie der Schlaf, lieg ich und denke mir viel.
Oftmals hab ich auch schon in ihren Armen gedichtet
Und des Hexameters Maß leise mit fingernder Hand
Ihr auf den Rücken gezählt. Sie atmet in lieblichem Schlummer,
Und es durchglühet ihr Hauch mir bis ins Tiefste die Brust.
Amor schüret die Lamp' indes und gedenket der Zeiten,
Da er den nämlichen Dienst seinen Triumvirn getan.

[beanstalk]

who are you,little i

(five or six years old)
peering from some high

window;at the gold

of november sunset

(and feeling:that if day
has to become night

this is a beautiful way)