Depression and mental illness
Jul 26, 2017 4:03:24 GMT
Post by nl on Jul 26, 2017 4:03:24 GMT
Don't feel embarrased to post on your concern over a serious topic.
I too have suffered from depression before. The depression I had was moderately severe, being almost completely unable to speak, and being unable to make myself do anything. My enjoyment and memory of everything i used to love disappeared in a way where it felt like it was not coming back. The cause of my depression was from the conditions of my school. I was under constant stress under my english and history subjects, but the high school history took it to ridiculous degrees. Having to do up to 5 pages of work on a single section. It's all I ever did in my work time. I always would put off all my effort in other subjects just to get the work done because of my sheer difficulty in that subject. The main reason though was the actual conditions. Not being the only special program in the school, I was on a bus with multiple handicapped students, all being miles apart. Every single bus ride I was the first one on and the last one off. The average ride would last up 1 hour and 20 fucking minutes EACH. That's about 10 hours a day. Combined with my history, With that combined with history and my robotics I would have a max 40 minutes a day to relax in the span of 5 am to 10 pm. There was a special program that recently came in my sophomore year of my high school program where elementary aged kids were on the door to the right, constantly making noise the entire day. This wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have an SPD which makes me slowly lose my mind with noise. I was completely exhausted every day, not being able to have the time or energy to do absolutely anything. In robotics, I was unable to get anything accomplished and just felt like I was there just cause it was a club. Everyone around me grew concerned. When I finally lost it I was convinced that the unbearable conditions would be every single school day for the next three years. The reason My parents made me go to therapy was that I told them that I was very scared of the idea of my eventually going insane and succeeding to take my own life.
My recovery was mostly through talking to people during summer, getting a noise-canceling side of the room and drawing lots of pictures and making these strange sound files in audacity(including Eternal Helplessness). I seemed to have a very dreamlike imagination during all of this. I had more opportunity than before and slowly got better. I still have lasting effects like not being able to read books for enjoyment or more personal stuff I would rather not talk about(fap).
If it weren't for this interest in strange dreamlike settings I might not have found this forums or be known like I am now. Your art in the drawing thread is very detailed and interesting. Certainly better than I can get myself to do. I'm kinda still experiencing the holdbacks of creating or committing and honestly feel bad, especially knowing what it can feel like. I hope you get better.
I too have suffered from depression before. The depression I had was moderately severe, being almost completely unable to speak, and being unable to make myself do anything. My enjoyment and memory of everything i used to love disappeared in a way where it felt like it was not coming back. The cause of my depression was from the conditions of my school. I was under constant stress under my english and history subjects, but the high school history took it to ridiculous degrees. Having to do up to 5 pages of work on a single section. It's all I ever did in my work time. I always would put off all my effort in other subjects just to get the work done because of my sheer difficulty in that subject. The main reason though was the actual conditions. Not being the only special program in the school, I was on a bus with multiple handicapped students, all being miles apart. Every single bus ride I was the first one on and the last one off. The average ride would last up 1 hour and 20 fucking minutes EACH. That's about 10 hours a day. Combined with my history, With that combined with history and my robotics I would have a max 40 minutes a day to relax in the span of 5 am to 10 pm. There was a special program that recently came in my sophomore year of my high school program where elementary aged kids were on the door to the right, constantly making noise the entire day. This wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have an SPD which makes me slowly lose my mind with noise. I was completely exhausted every day, not being able to have the time or energy to do absolutely anything. In robotics, I was unable to get anything accomplished and just felt like I was there just cause it was a club. Everyone around me grew concerned. When I finally lost it I was convinced that the unbearable conditions would be every single school day for the next three years. The reason My parents made me go to therapy was that I told them that I was very scared of the idea of my eventually going insane and succeeding to take my own life.
My recovery was mostly through talking to people during summer, getting a noise-canceling side of the room and drawing lots of pictures and making these strange sound files in audacity(including Eternal Helplessness). I seemed to have a very dreamlike imagination during all of this. I had more opportunity than before and slowly got better. I still have lasting effects like not being able to read books for enjoyment or more personal stuff I would rather not talk about(fap).
If it weren't for this interest in strange dreamlike settings I might not have found this forums or be known like I am now. Your art in the drawing thread is very detailed and interesting. Certainly better than I can get myself to do. I'm kinda still experiencing the holdbacks of creating or committing and honestly feel bad, especially knowing what it can feel like. I hope you get better.
